A finicky guy's exploits in finding gustatory (and other) satisfaction in his kitchen, his neighborhood, and beyond.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

In which Michael restructures the food pyramid

A blogger (who will remain nameless to protect my identity), famished from his afternoon workout today, did the inadvisable and went grocery shopping in this ravenous state.

And I — er, the blogger — didn't even remember to sing to himself that old hymn of abstemiousness from the AFN public service spot: "Don't shop when you're hungry — no, no, no!"  And now I'm singing the blues.

I mean, the blogger is singing — oh, never mind.  I screwed up.  I'll own my error.

After my recent spree, I also own almost $70 worth of nutrition-free foodstuffs.  Shall we analyze the contents of my shopping bags?
  • Fancy ale made by (or in honor of — who can read Flemish?)  giant monks or something to commemorate their annual parade (I am guessing here)
  • Carrot cake (veggies!)
  • Cornbread (more veggies!)
  • 2 Types of very dark chocolate (72% & 81%, for a total score of 153 — what do I win? A fattening caffeine buzz.)
  • Tortilla chips (Sea Salt & Lime — fruit!)
  • A chicken burrito
  • Roasted and salted peanuts
  • White bread
  • Scented candles
It wasn't a complete debacle; I also came home with some organic eggs, some raw nuts, and several kinds of fruits and vegetables that hadn't been baked into desserts.  But if you look at my haul, you'd think that the four food groups were sugar, alcohol, chocolate, and wax.  Or perhaps money should be in there somewhere as well.

Yesterday, Peter read some good shopping advice online: whenever you think you want to buy something, write that item onto your calendar for a month from today.  If you still want it in a month, go ahead and purchase it.   If not, you've saved yourself some money and the hassle of dealing with an unwanted item.

If I'd followed that advice recently, I would never have ended up with these ugly, overly thick and heavy sweatpants, ordered impulsively (I think a glass of wine was involved) on Amazon last week:

Not only are they too warm to wear except as snow pants, but they lend an unappealing androgyny to my, er, outline.  I look about as priapic as a Ken doll in these.  And they're even less flattering in the back:

Without my head showing, it's not even clear that this is a back view.  Do these pants make my ass look like an ass?

Anyway, my point is that I wouldn't have purchased the pants if I'd waited for 5 minutes to press the COMPLETE ORDER button, much less after waiting 30 days.

What do you have in your home that would not be there if you'd honored the waiting period before purchasing?

Since we'd go pretty hungry if I waited for 30 days before food shopping, I will just have to resist the impulse to visit Whole Foods on my way home from the gym.  Or maybe I could just pack a banana in my gym bag.


  1. Oh Michael, you can easily make your own cornbread, and homemade is not only super easy, but a thousand times more delicious than bought cornbread PLUS it is way cheaper.
    I will find and post my recipe for you - you'll see.

  2. Thanks, LHC, I'll look out for the recipe. I prefer my cornbread less sweet than the WF version anyway, and making my own, I will be able to add just as much sweetness as I want.

  3. Chocolate is also a vegetable, hello, coco beans.

    You are welcome. Glad to help.

  4. Of course! Elle, you're a genius.

    And my purchases are a veritable salad bar.

  5. Laughed out loud while reading this. I think my co-workers are wondering if I've finally lost it! Love your blog!!! ♥Beth

  6. Is that my sister Beth? ♥ to you too!

  7. Elle *is* a genius. Chocolate = vegetable? Brilliant!

    That's funny that the pants front and back views are interchangeable. OK, it's funny to me. ;-)

  8. At least *without* the pants, my front and back views are distinguishable. You will have to take my word for this.

  9. I've SO been there, bought that. And then felt stupid afterward. I instituted the 30 day list about a year ago and have avoided MANY impulse purchases because of it. I can't tell you how much money I've saved. It's kind of crazy.

    Your shopping basket is totally understandable. I've educated a few of my ex's on why you don't shop when you're hungry. It's remarkable that it was a surprise to them. (lightbulb moment!)

  10. Dark chocolate is very healthy for you. It's super high in anti-oxidents and reduces blood pressure. It reduces the chances of heart failure and stroke. So really, that's an excellent nutritional choice. :D

  11. If for some reason you decided to wear those sweatpants to the gym, you should pack a banana - but not in your gym bag. (blushes delicately)

  12. [blushes violently in response]

    Actually, the same idea occurred to me as I was writing, but I wondered if such ribaldry was too picante for my readership. Looks like I worried in vain.

  13. those pants are funny.

  14. you are brave for posting yourself in those pants.
    you remind me of charlize theron in "monster" with how she covered her beauty in the name of her craft.

  15. Thanks, sis. But TRUE bravery would be to wear those pants to my gym. That kind of courage I ain't got.

  16. Wow! The restructure of the food pyramid sort of looks like my grocery visits - although Whole Foods is no where near me - just the ordinary supermarket FILLED with Soccer Moms! Of course, I have discovered that I can completely forgo the whole 'what-to-buy-at-the market-dilemma' by just living by the Four Food Groups: Boxed, Can, Take-Out and Delivery! Works for me . . . most of the time.

  17. I'm glad I'm not the only one! But I may have found a solution....stay tuned.